Thursday, Jan. 15, 2009 - 05:58

Written on the train up to Scotland, Tuesday evening

I woke at the allotted time (admittedly, feeling somewhat tired after having stayed up quite late the previous night watching NFL playoff highlights) and did the allotted procedures associated with preparation for leaving for work.

(LORDY! That was pretentious - it's obvious that I've been writing audits for too long this afternoon!.. n.b. this is being written on a train somewhere between Carlisle and Glasgow, on my work laptop. Ooh get me!)

Work wasn't too fab - a degree of the same petty annoyances from above and below that have plagued my last couple of weeks. It's actually started to make me feel somewhat saddened and anxious regarding my capabilities to carry out the job. I hope that this does not continue - either thru' me becoming more capable, through my bosses becoming happier with my output, and/or the lab staff starting to recognise what is their arse and what is their elbow. Too much to ask, I reckon :-)

I really should have took the time to upload some games or something onto my laptop - give me something to do funwise. At least I have the fallback of diary writing (obsessively documenting slartybartfast me!), and I suppose having a laptop full of random mp3s is also some serendipity. A DVD might've been nice, though.

I smell a bit though - Virgin trains are always a little hot, so am warmer than I'd like to be (n.b. - how many search engine hits might I get from peeps searching for 'little hot virgin' now?) and my pits honk a tad. I'll have to freshen up and change before dinner.. if I ever get to my anonymous travelly-sorta-inn destination! I'm a bit self-conscious, however.. that's the trouble with travelling straight after (admittedly only half a day's) work.

Nothing from JR or JR's sister so far today (it's just past six), which I shouldn't really be surprised at. It's curious how one has sorta taken on the mantle of the other, so to speak. I doubt it's been anything like a deliberate movement, just the case that JR's friendship being 'on the wane' a little has coincided with her sister and I becoming better mates. I suppose the latter precipitated the former to the extent that I came to realisations about how things were going a bit 'so-so' twixt JR and I previous to the festive period.

Heh :-) Spoke too soon - just got a wee friendly text from JR's sister (really need to come up with an acronym, I know!). Am I in Scotland yet? Can I use the word 'wee' with added correctness? I suppose it's a northern thing rather than exclusively a Scots thing, so I'll be fine. I used it feckloads during my north-eastern upbringing, and no-one ever slapped a fine on me :-)

Written on the train back from Scotland, Wednesday evening

Alas I've had quite a frustrating day of it, and I'm pretty knackered. Last night once I reached Glasgow I battled the sense of desire to go AWOL in the city (I've had some enjoyable days in the city, hence was slightly tempted to sod the fact I have to work this week.. 'cause I wanted to have a few beers in the rock pub and then maybe go to a club.. if I could find the one I went to before). I caught my connecting train to the outskirts, and eventually found where I was supposed to be staying. I'm not going to mention the fact I got quite lost between the station and the hotel.. 'cause I didn't see that most of the 'short roads' I had to walk along, were in fact motorways and major duel carriageways etc. with no pavement alongside :-)

Booked into the hotel and freshened up a little with a change of clothes, some anti-stinkifier spray, and a big poo. Too much information, I know! I then popped to the nearby eatery, had a couple of pints (felt slightly woozy tipsy actually - partially tiredness and also drinking on a stomach which was empty to start with) and a hearty three-course meal on expenses, which was nice enough. I'm still reading that Douglas Coupland, which has some funny bits even though it seems to lack a proper 'point' so far, or owt to really involved oneself. Anyhow, my intentions to read that were interrupted by a frequent parade of waitresses and barmen etc. asking whether everything was alright.. probably bored 'cause I was the only one in there.

I'd intended to do some work after dinner, but in the end I just flirted and asked pretentious questions over the text to JR's sister - with whom I had a decent textual banter throughout the evening, till about midnight when I realised I was falling asleep betwixt her texts so decided to tell her I was off to bed.

Overnight I had a few odd dreams (symptomatic of a strange bed, perhaps) including such odd stuff as my niece's toy kitchen being a potential disaster because someone had made the front flange 60mm too long or something. Yes, yes, rather odd, I know. I didn't sleep too well - partly being a bit stressed, partly the unfamiliarity of the bed/room.

In the morning, despite feeling rather tired, I showered, dressed and had some breakfast, before awaiting my lift to the site I was performing the audit at. Once this came, I made awkward conversation with the secretary who was giving me the lift (came over like a bit of a patronising English cunt, I fear) whilst she drove me. She dumped me in a vacant office, and I sent some jokey conversational e-mails to the peeps back at my office.

The audit was a bit of a struggle. Because it was a 'mop up' audit, I was supposed to be seeing a load of things that had been missed on previous visits to the site - hence I had a big long list of shit to see. Alas, due to a number of reasons - some of which couldn't be helped, as the samples needing those tests were just not 'in' that day, but many of which could have been avoided had the Lab Manager(s) got their fingers out and made sure that what I wanted to see was made to happen - I only saw half what I wanted/intended to.

I'm hence a bit worried that my boss will call me a complete arsefuckingwasteoftime. After what she's been saying earlier in the week, this is all I fecking need - more proof that I'm about as much use as a chocolate teapot. Sigh. I tried to demand that people in the lab did X and Y for me, I did a little bit of creative auditry (no, that isn't the same as 'making it up', honest!), and I am good at technical jargonnery, hence will be able to write a fairly substantial audit based on what I saw. Alas though, I fear I'm going to get my boss's "EAT SHIT AND DIE, YOU USELESS FUCK!" look, for which she is somewhat famed :-)

I think on of the least comfortable parts of the past couple of days has been the fact that it has shown me up to be lacking in confidence. Not necessarily confidence that I assumed I had, but more a sort of assuredness that I've been able to display in recent weeks 'cause I have been within situations which I've been pretty sure/comfortable about.

I got a lift back to the station, got my connections OK (despite falling asleep on the wee local train and almost missing my stop!), grabbed some fodder from a local newsagent, got a nice man in the ticket office to print me a 'reroute' sheet so I didn't have to find an extra connection to get back, and then I leapt on my train home. The journey back was uneventful really - wrote this, few tunes, read my book, bemoaned the fact I have had terrible uncomfortable trapped wind today....