Friday, Apr. 13, 2012 - 22:25

A proper unusual day. I feel very strange - a mixture of sadness, happiness and awkwardness. It's a difficult one to fathom out, so let me explain..

Basically, whilst I was clearing my desk this morning (I've accumulated a phenomenal amount of crap in my drawers and trays this last three and a half years - even with the periodic clear-outs that I do acquiese to on occasion) the site head asked whether he could have a chat with me.

He took me into an office and explained that my colleague the customer services manager has come up with an idea in that because one of the ladies from the office is going on medical leave for a couple of months soon, and because I've not found anything yet, it was suggested that it would make a hell of a lot of sense (as I know the computer systems at work, and do assist customer services frequently with technical and other sorts of help) to offer me the role on an 'as and when' contract for a couple of months or till I find something new if shorter than that.

So yes. I accepted because I am pretty happy with the proposal and also very grateful too. I do feel slightly like I was influenced to say "yes" by knowing that it is a sensible idea and something I can do, and it keeps the wolf from the door, and I do also feel a little worried whether I can do it or whether I'll be a big fuck-up, but I am happy. I just hope that the small print on the contract (actually it's not really small print, just something saying my duties will be in customer services, but I may be asked to perform other duties) doesn't mean I'll get dragged off to do my 'old' role too often. I don't mind assisting with advice, but I am going to have to be quite "No, they didn't want me to do that job so I am not going to do that job - it's someone else's problem now".

We went for a pub lunch as an office, and everyone in the office was told, hence it's all avoided the scary 'crying women' and 'me having to look very sad' things I was worried about. I'm glad about that (even though essentially it's just been delayed, and to some extent lessened because I'm sure people aren't going to be efflusive with their sadness when I leave in a few weeks) but I am also feeling really dishonest, in a way, through no fault of mine - as there has been people handshaking and hugging me, plus a collection and a big card for me, and now I am not leaving! I know it's not something that could have been avoided, considering the late nature of this development, but there is a part of me worrying about next week when people see me having not fucked off despite them giving a few quid and signing a card to make me go :-)

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but my predominant feeling at the moment is uncertainty and limbo. I know that this is almost certainly better than the despondancy and sadness I'd feel had this evening been my proper last day, but at least I would have felt more certain, in a way? I feel disorientated, like I have been finally pushed off one very comfortable nice conveyor belt (a push I knew was coming) but rather than falling to the floor where I was going to dust myself off and look for another conveyor to travel, I've instead fallen straight onto another conveyor belt. Not to say it's not going in a direction I wasn't keen to travel in, it's just that I didn't expect it.

I'm also feeling bloated after too big a dinner (eyes larger than belly) taken in front of two and a half episodes of 'IT Crowd - Series 3'. The evening's major football story is a score of Southampton 1-3 Reading at the top of The Championship, putting The Royals three points ahead of The Saints, and nine points ahead of West Ham with just four games left for The Hammers (and three for Reading).

I've got my holiday pay sorted too, it seems, so I'll have an extra couple of hundred quid for that too. So, yes, not that unlucky a Friday 13th for me. Perhaps I should put some money on The Grand National? Actually I got a bit of an outsider in the work sweepstake - Vic Venturi (about whom, The Mirror says '50-1 - Those bookies had to cough up after he won over the fences in 2009 but failed to finish in last two Nationals. Could get round but is hardly going to hack up'). It's not a race for favourites, but I'm not considering it likely I'll win 'owt with that. Claiming another twenty-five or thirty quid for that, when my colleagues coughed up a surprisingly generous sixty-something quid in a sweepstake.. would be cheeky :-)